im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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