Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
