so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
