can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
