just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
