Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
