there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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