life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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