He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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