So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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