We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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