i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
