I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
