I hate your face
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
