Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
