well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize