I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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