Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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