Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
