On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize