do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just cropdusted the office
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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