everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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