I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
