seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
