If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
