Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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