I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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