Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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