U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
