Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
