Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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