i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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