Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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