The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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