Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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