I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
