You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
