someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is wine microwaveable?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
