Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
