You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
