her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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