I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I seem to have left my pride at pride
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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