seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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