my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
