My room smells like vodka and shame
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
