that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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