I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
