I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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