11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
