its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
