just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we're making bets on your personal life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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