I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize