Sponge bath it is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
