Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
