could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
