I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
