Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
