Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
