I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
