Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
