To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
