Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he thought i was a dude.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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