Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize