i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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