i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
