Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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