I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
