I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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